Love is Painful
by Ichijouji Miyako
Summary: This fanfic is sligthly graphic, but nothing really bad. A little language, too. And it's about Ken being taken over by the darkness.... a Kenyako *^ ^*


AND SO THE STORY UNFOLDS.... 

The sun was a scorcher outside in Tokyo, Japan. Everyone's throats were parched; the sand from the filled beaches dusting along, and the salty sea air capturing an utter tone of summertime. Needless to say, people everywhere were excited about the upcoming break from school & work, and, so were the Chosen Children, including me, who were walking to school. It was our last day, so Ken spoke of nothing the whole time, as if he were trying to give us a hint something was up. We didn't need to worry much about our Digimon.... they were safe and sound in the Digital world for the summer until danger prodded through.... 

Daisuke wondered in his idiotic "trademark" way, which aggravated most of our group. "Hey, guys!" his lisp caught my attention. 

"Daisuke, this better be important," Iori said, as he furiously poked and mauled the air with his Kendo staff. He looked the least bit relaxed, or so, as if a coating of glue kept thoughts from escaping his mind. 

Daisuke was dulling my nerves, even if he only spoke just two words. 

"Yeah, I'm getting really tired and hot," I panted. 

Ken just stared at the ground, wanting to speak, but as though something inside had stopped him. 

"Daisuke - please tell me it's absolutely necessary," Takeru hesitated impatiently. 

Hikari smiled. "Don't worry, Takeru, I believe him. For once, anyways. It's important." 

"It is! Okay, I was wondering.... why is everyone so quiet today? We should be happy; happy happy _happy_ it's the last day of school! It's gonna be great!" Daisuke crossed his arms, smiling at the sun above. It glistened in his claret spikes, like a quiet form of superficiality. 

"That's true.... but what do we have to say? I mean, come on.... we really want to just be going places, doing stuff, things like that ourselves. I guess I'm not exactly looking forward to coming to school. It's always boring, waiting for the bell to ring, when we can just be out of school in the first place." I, stiffly, turned to Ken. The rest seemed to nod their heads. 

"Ken - " My eyes flashed an amber glow of laughter. 

He looked up, surprised. He began blushing, not understanding why I had asked him anything; we hardly spoke to the other. 

"Hmph.... " Ken mumbled. 

"What's going on? Are you keeping something from us?" I placed a warm hand on his shoulder. 

"Um, er.... Miyako.... " Ken started shaking. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize how sensitive you were," I squinted, my face splitting into a hopefilled smile. 

Ken made bunny cheeks. 

"That's OK. I'm.... just nervous. That's all. And, um, instead, why don't we just.... er.... skip school? Is that what you guys, um, want?" He wiped his forehead; a gust of wind brushing his dampened hair softly. He looked so innocent and harmless.... I wanted to reach out and feel the long, navy tresses.... _What am I thinking?_

The breeze picked up. 

We all stood in place, feeling the wrath of coolness ourselves. 

"Miyako, w-what's going on?" He gasped, slightly muffled by his blowing hair. 

It felt really nice. 

We just kept standing, leaning against the metal bars surrounding the road. 

But suddenly.... the world fell apart, the wind blew, and quickly, I trembled as the cold, velvety air swished into a sky of the abrupt coal black and ash clouds. I clasped my hand to my mouth, my lips seeping a peculiar mixture of amazement and horror. _How could this be possible? It's the last day of school! We're supposed to be having fun right now; not staying indoors all day because of the weather!_ I really did not understand. All of us became terrified manequins, each pose and gesture sending the idea of _Are we going to move or not?_

The breeze got stronger, _and stronger, and stronger_.... until, lastly, each of us were lifted into the air! Everyone grapsed a pole and a stop sign. My hands latched to a long metal bar with reflectors atop it. I eagerly swayed and laughed, thinking this was too weird, and super-duper cool, at the same time. 

"I don't think we'll be able to make - it - " gasped a struggling Hikari. One hand escaped the pole. The cold air pushed harder and lung-crushing, and literally breathtaking. It soon pounded my stomach inward, taking much of my energy, and ability to use my own strength. 

The wind immediately collapsed. We, with a loud crash, fell to the ground. "OWW!" Daisuke screamed. He started rubbing the object stuck in him, trying to be careful not to hurt himself. "HELP ME GET THIS OUT!" I clumsily lifted my arms and legs. A sharpness sprang upon the side of my chest. I couldn't help but sit. My glasses fell into someone's hand.... Daisuke's. "Watch where you're throwing!" I didn't bother to argue, though I did yank a spiky rock from his shoulder. I glanced, the focus of my glasses coming back as Daisuke placed them back onto me, at the other three. 

_Other **three?** Where had Iori gone?_

Hikari just lay on the cement, vulnerable as she usually is, and smiled to herself as Takeru carried her into a standing position. "There you go. You'll be all right," said a shadowed Takeru. 

Ken looked just as confused as I when he realized there were only five of us and not exactly six. "Hey, um, guys - where's Iori?" Everyone's heads perched about the street, the ocean, and every other angle they could possibly crane their neck. "Yeah! Where _did_ he go?" Daisuke scratched the back of his head. He couldn't figure out how such a small boy could easily disappear. _Stop questioning, Daisuke, we all want to know,_ I mouthed an invisible argument. 

"We better go find him before - " Hikari stopped. 

A faint squealing sound filled our ears. "Before we hear that again." Daisuke looked at her, nodding, and the two trotted off into the distance. "We're leaving to go search for Iori!" They said loudly once a little ways down the road. "We'll be back when we find him!" 

Takeru became worried after nearly ten minutes, so I told him to go try to look for them, and that Ken & I would look in another direction. "Make sure you, uh, don't lose anybody, and you can't contact us, b-because our D-3s broke when w-we crashed," Ken stammered. He looked like he was hiding something. _Did we really break them? Why would we split up if we can't contact each other?_

Takeru took off. He appeared shameful, and shouldn't have let Daisuke wander off with Hikari. He trudged faster as he thought of what Daisuke might let happen to his beloved.... 

~~~ 

Ken & I weren't gone very far when we heard the squealing again. Ken's pupils seemed to wince as the sound escaped, and he couldn't bare so much at once, and grabbed my arm. He tripped over a rock and cried, his nose straight in the air. "Miyako - I'm sorry - I can't go to find Iori - I'm afraid of seeing anything bad.... or anyone hurt." He sniffed a bit. The wind tapped his shoulders gently, as I stared at him, smiling generously. "Ken, you're such a worry-wart," I giggled, then broke out into constant laughing. "Iori's not going to be dead! Or are you concerned about him?" The squealing interrupted our conversation. Ken's arm quivered again: "Miyako - we need to go find him." He smiled a little, his eyebrows turned upward. 

"OK, let's be on the move!" The hot sun beat on my head; the silky violet strands slightly moist from the frequent sweating. I wanted that breeze again. 

"IORI!" Ken called, while racing with me, impatiently, to someplace not much distance from the roadside. We ran past those towering metal bars to where the heavy, bulging rocks, whose crevices were filled with speckles of grass and pebbles, dozed grimly during the raging storm's introduction. 

"IORI, WHERE ARE YOU??!" We made repetitive yells and screams, but no response. 

We tread a little slower, losing confidence and strength, and Ken's courage. 

It seemed hopeless. 

_Where could a boy like Iori fall, and how could he go such a great distance?_ The questions washed over many times before I could realize what was happening among my personal space. 

I shivered; the coldness deepened like ice flowing through my blood. Ken's hands began shaking, then, a whirring sound started as he spoke. "Miyako - do you remember Malomyotismon? What he does? Or Owikawa, for that matter.... I'm afraid that somehow he came back, and is trying to destroy Iori.... hmmph...." He shook. He would not stop. His striking violet eyes grew misty and hollow, and I took a few steps back. 

"Ken?! What the hell is wrong with you?! STOP!" I grabbed his shoulders and turned his chin, looking into his eyes to materialize his thoughts. "Miyako.... you don't know what's wrong with me. I thought you knew.... " Ken's eyes turned upward, then his lean, solid, toned body fell to the ground. 

"KEN?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THIS?!" I started trying to rummage through his belongings, for maybe something to help. I took his backpack into my lap, and pushed my fingers through the opening. There were all sorts of strange articles that I hadn't seen before.... then, I found a long, silver knife. I didn't know what in the world to do with it. I assumed that I should put it back, as if it nearly whispered a sudden danger. I cut myself as I tried placing it where it had been, then discovered a printed email on his D-3. My hands trembled like lightning struck me. I read the first few lines, and I fell to my knees, in utterly horrible confusion and helplessness. 

_Oh my god.... Ken!_ My tears came out like the Old Faith Gusher. I couldn't help but notice the big picture now.... and I felt the ruins of Ken billowing through me. I clutched my neck as if venomous butterflies would escape and kill off the human race. 

I adjusted her eyeglasses, allowing the blood from my finger to trickle, and then crept closer to Ken. I swallowed deeply as I supressed heavier pain. It indicated something serious from the now-dead Owikawa.... _This isn't true. It isn't true. Why, Ken, do you always give up?_

My eyes winced a series of strong, painful tears, and I slid by him, hearing the gentle note of his heart beating. Any sign of him being alive and well gave me more of a greater confidence of keeping him the same. 

_The same._

Ken became cold. He didn't move for a long time. 

"I hope you stay warm," I said, wrapping the tied sweater about my waist over his shoulders. 

I hugged him, like the world would tip over and everyone would fall off into space. 

My blood dripped from my hands onto his chest, and I cried louder and louder. I wanted my friends to find Iori, but not this big mess, and to know how I felt about him, and that his disorder would never change it. 

I held him warmly for about half an hour. It was a good feeling to finally be with him alone, and it was terrible, also, to know his true problem. "Ken.... why did this happen to _you_?" I repeated, over and over again. "Why was it _you_?" The warmth was intense after the long while.... the coldness slowly drifted away. I couldn't resist any longer. It was my only chance. 

I bent closer to his lips.... my chest pressed lightly against his tender body, and the air flowed so comfortingly, I had to do it. 

My full, pouting lips nearly embraced his; the warmth of his breathing tightly pushed on the tip of my cold nose. 

_Miyako! Why are you doing this? Not just because it's the way you feel anymore? Stop this madness.... you don't know what's become of you!_ I lifted upward in a quick jolt of common sense. 

~~~ 

A tall, dead-black shadow cast over the cement. I slowly turned, my tears, sweat, and blood a frightening mixture. _I wish, more than anything, it's everyone, grouped together and happy_. A blurry image of my friends appeared. "Guys?" I stood up, my knees wobbling like they were made out of Jell-O. "Miyako...." It wasn't them. It was Iori. 

"IORI!" I squatted down to his level, taking his hands shakily. My side gave off a short, inscisoring pain, and my eyes squinted in its sharpness. Iori took notice away from what I had in mind. 

"It looks like something's wrong with Ken. What happened over here?" 

I stared at my best friend carefully. "Um, Iori.... we need to worry about you right now. Where did you go? Did you fall?" Iori smiled. "Nope. I flew over to the park and got stuck on top of the playground. I'm alright now." He looked back at Ken. "Miyako, seriously, what's up with him?" Tears began streaming down my cheeks. I took out the D-3 from the tattered pocket, and, with my stiffened arms, which were freezing because of Ken, I showed Iori. His eyes widened, almost becoming larger by the second. "No - it can't be - " Iori looked at Ken once more. Tears gleamed in his eyes, shining as much as the ocean out below us. "We need to get him to a hospital! What happened to your hand?" 

I nodded slowly, explaining it was of no significance. "Iori.... we can't just bring him to a hospital. What will we tell them? This is only something we can fight ourselves...." 

An idea of my friends running with flushed, hurried faces materialized in my confused and inhospitable mind. There was no room left for thinking up any brilliant plans to finding them.... and if I did think one up, no time would be spared to save my beloved. 

"Miyako, we have to go find our friends," he thought aloud my shriveled blueprints. I couldn't bare watching Ken lie there; cold, but breathing.... _keep him alive, it's the only way we can help._ True. But what if - - "Miyako! Are you listening? I'm going to email them to see if they're alright." It finally hit me.... I started to smile vulnerably. "Thanks Iori, but, I've got to do something about this.... I have to bring him to the Digital World. To make him remember...." Iori's clenched fist struck his other hand. He couldn't email the seemingly unfound Chosen Children. "No! It'll only make the matters worse! You can't just do that; we have to be secure! You don't even know if it's happened yet!" Iori bellowed amazingly for his usually quiet voice. I nodded.... but something told me that Iori should find the others. "Could you, if you would, search around for our friends?" 

I placed a cut hand on my the frame of my glasses. They looked so foggy now. 

"I'll be back," Iori smiled. "Stay here with Ken.... and don't let him.... you know." 

The dark afternoon clouds cascaded hauntingly above us. It crept silently and oozed a new blackened heap of damp fluff. I wanted Ken to wake up soon.... none of this could be real. _As his true kindness finally blew through, like the end of a storm, why did it have to chase him all the way back to evil?_ I kept skimming the message on the D-3, over again, until I understood its origin. 

_Your purpose is merely a warning: the darkness is feeding on you, Kaizer. I feel it. It will soon take you under its wing. The pain will not leave ever again; it'll always find the path.... don't tell me I'm using you. It's your destiny to be emptied of your light and kindness. That is also why you've been suffering. You'll die, Kaizer. You'll die without darkness. The literal cold of your loneliness will kill you. The first spore wasn't built among you.... it was in me. And you're going to pass on, like my other seedlings, including your dead brother. Osamu could not use these forces; he wished to live in the light, with his pitiful brother. He died for you. --anynomous_

_Owikawa!_

I drew a long breath as it was cut short by Ken's awakening. The slender yet masculine body arose. His tough hands pressed against the ground, crumbling it. A groaning laughter escaped his twitching lips.... no. Nothing was controlling him; this was what he really wanted. Osamu died because he could not stand the darkness.... and Ken was living Osamu's life to please his parents; he had been starving with jealously. Everything was so clear to me now.... and, shockingly, Ken's blazing violet eyes lost its shine once more. I couldn't move..... I was entranced with so many thoughts swirled together. He smirked, sweat abroad his long, thin eyebrows, which curved inward. He stared at me so admiringly and with his unusual carefullness. I became uneasy as he pulled on my shoulder when I, too, felt the darkness. It swelled inside of me like this huge balloon growing with air.... _why is he still so.... so inviting?_

The more I thought of the possibility of something happening between us, the more he seemed to be liking his change.... _Like? He's nearly going to kill me! What am I to do? I have no help whatsoever.... and this is the darkness that'll rule him!_ I, without fidgetting, took his gripped hand off my shoulder. "This isn't you. It can all be changed. Just fight it off, Ken!" 

He slapped me; his strong hand pulling out of nowhere against my face, creating a streak of blood. Amazing. My cheek reddened, but I would not cry. 

_This is nothing._

"I am the Digital Kaizer! Do address me with my proper title," Ken spat, fury raising in my chest. I glared cautiously. "You can't do this to yourself! You're not going to die if you give in," I threw at him. "This isn't what you want, I know you," I raged on, in attempt to make him fight off the spore. His eyes gave off a feeling of warning. "You have no authority to tell me what you think you know," he angled his shoulders a little higher, peering at me; not moving his eyes. "And what I want is no business to suit you, puny girl," and with that he then took my neck. His hands squeezed so hard I could sense all of my blood spewing from the two deposits available.... my hand and cheek. 

Moments later Ken stopped. 

I felt so entirely lifeless that as if the darkness was wasting away my flesh. 

"K-ken.... " I stammered, struggling to get off the ground. I was pretty much tired of being near the road. "Why must you attempt fighting me? You'll only end up where I left off...." He bent closer to me, a hand cupping his chin. "....this'll be so delicious." Ken turned toward the sky. He looked like he was brewing up a genious plan in tormenting me. The silence made it no easier until he finally spoke. "Ah, well, you won't have the strength to remember where we're going...." He said aloud. ".... we're off to the Digital World in my secret fortress!" He busted into constant laughter. _I will never regret any of the time I spend into saving you...._

CRASH! 

I collapsed onto the ground unknowingly as Ken, making a gradually louder moan, just like a race car accelerating, smashed my head with his fist. 

~~~ 

The air was damp and cluttered with a strangely familiar smell. Everything had become blank ever since I'd woken up.... it was all a smeared, black blur of nothingness. My wrists were burning and my ankles were dulled in pain. A felt a coldness against my back - the marble walls. I still couldn't tell what the ambience turned into. I could only feel my skin crawling along the wall. _Thank God I'm alive._ Wait.... I needed my glasses. If I had my glasses.... the world would fall to my fingertips, I could escape to my friends, Ken would turn better again, we'd have a great summer.... 

_If I could see. I must see -_

My heart sank when a low shadow appeared in the blur of my nearsightedness. I gasped, feeling the dried tears and puffiness of my face as I turned to a side. The pain struck once more atop my violet head. _How my head aches.... I wish I knew what was going on...._ "You're awake, I see," A familiar voice snapped. The only way I could react to him speaking was to rattle my chains. I tried to fling my arms as best as I possibly could. This did absolutely nothing - it was stuck! "Do not be ignorant," he spoke again. "I only brought you here for torture. Would you like me to give you a chance of tending those cuts so I can make them worse?" He muttered. 

I wasn't so sure about this.... I actually thought he needed me for something more important. "Where are my glasses?" I replied faintly. I couldn't tell whether or not if he was dressed in his old 'uniform', but, that slipped my mind in an instant. 

"I'm not stupid enough to toss them back to you, they're mine," he said coolly, rubbing his hands together. "But I will explain something. The darkness is very powerful," he began, "and it has taken over. I cannot be so kind to a useless girl of the light forces," the Kaizer licked his lips, clasping his hands together, and speaking in a strident tone. "But I will be nice enough to treat you less horribly than I would have." _Would have? Is this even more pathetic act he's cooked up?_

"B-but I need to see. It's really important," I whined, "and if I may please have them, I won't take your pity. But what really doesn't make sense is that if you're so powerful, why settle for a mere light force?" Whoops. I've slipped, and the Kaizer sure didn't like the sound of it. "Okay," he spoke in a low voice, which is always worse than a louder one, "you'll get them back. And if I hear you snap one more time, I'll torment you into oblivion." His face looked flushed. 

It's a good thing nothing else came from my mouth after I placed the glasses on my nose. I stared above me, the focus of my eyes relieving, and I took a long exhale. I was in a cave of darkness, and the room had no light, except for the occasional flash of the Kaizer's reflective lavender goggles. He was robed in that old costume, whose colors consisted of navy fabric and gold and silver tinges. And I wasn't surprised when he made a slight "Hmph," and walked off into the very familiar deepness of the room. 

It was all so dreamy-like. I felt cloudy and still unable to shake off the feeling that I craved evil. Why didn't I ever like his kinder side? Why didn't I possess the ability to love him for his true self, and not this terrible spore Owikawa harvested? 

I could clear up a bit if I wasn't chained to the walls of the fortress. "Ken?" I tried raising my voice. I absolutely had to get down. Why did I bother calling for him when he noted he wasn't to be any more generous than he already was? So, there had to be a definite reason I was going to be tortured.... and I had yet to find out. 

~~~ 

I woke in the warmth of the sunlight beating against my face. The sheets were soft against my skin.... and my hair; it was wet, like it had been washed. And I smelled of cologne; the exact scent of this whole place in which I was captured. I sunk deeper into the comfortable chenille blankets, which were white, and thin enough to be slept under on warmer nights. My neck didn't cringe as I craned it lower into the plumpness of the bed's cushion. 

_Wait.... this isn't my bed._

My heart dropped. I could feel my lungs in my throat. I wanted to get up, even though I was too comfortable to do so. Gently, I slid my legs to the floor, feeling a slight silkiness that wasn't felt before I could remember. I kept them there for a long, long time. I always did this whenever I wanted to get off my bed.... but I needed to find out what was going on. 

I scooted my, strangely, smooth legs back through the edges of the covers. I placed my hand curiously atop the bed or wherever it was moving. Picking up my glasses, I also felt my neck. There was a long chain attached to it.... I moved my fingers slowly down and made a stop in between my breasts, noticing a different fabric besides the soft white sheets. My clothes.... unusually, I wore a pair of black satin shorts and a cotton tanktop, which was also black. _These aren't mine._

To take my mind off the generousness of whomever, I suddenly noticed the chain led under the sheets. It was a common silver thing; nothing special, for that matter. I moved amongst the bed noisily, and gasped as a paper shifted under my fingers. I picked it up with one hand. It read, ".... don't let the bed bugs bite ...." in a hauntingly beautiful cursive handwriting. Shivering, I placed my hands under the lacey pillows to keep them warm. 

_What is going to happen to me? Why is my life turned around, all of a sudden? And why must I feel that someone is plotting against me?_

Certainly the Kaizer had nothing to do with anything. I'm pretty sure it could have been.... well, actually, I don't know who else could have given me a bath, or spruced me up so lovingly. He was the only one who said, '_Would you like me to give you a chance of tending those cuts so I can make them worse?_' And worse probably hadn't been the best choice of explaination. I'd never really felt close to him when he was evil.... but never so far away, either. I wanted to know where he was. After all; he WAS acting kindly. I would just forget the fact it was most likely a trick.... 

_Ken wanted to do this so I couldn't fight him for his generosity. That's the whole purpose._

"Miyako? Are you awake?" Someone whispered, who then walked with gentle footsteps the cracked doorway. Not knowing why I did this, I fell to the overstuffed pillow, faking my rest. "We're going to be very busy today.... " he crept noiselessly to my bedside. The unseen person had a syringe placed carefully under his fingers.... 

I bolted upright. It was the middle of the night, and it had all been a dream. _It had to have been_, I panted, _none of this happened_. _Get that through to yourself!_ To make everything a bit more realistic, I looked down at my body. I screamed, loudly, for this was no nightmare.... it was real. 

~~~ 

My body was mangled. The same clothes, just ripped to pieces. My own cold blood splattered everywhere. A long, leather whip, encased in metal, lay near me; probably one side of this torture. Some one came in, laughing. I tried running, but again, I had been chained to the bed! _Why won't Ken ever let me free?_

"What do you want? I'll give it to you! Anything!" I screamed through tears. 

"I want nothing but pain. Hurt me," he said hungrily, "hurt me!" 

I became quiet. "What?" was the only word to enroll from my bleeding lips. And I was more confused than ever. I still wanted to know what was running in his mind. "Why are you here, first of all? It doesn't make sense to you, does it, Miyako?" 

I nodded shamefully. 

"Of course. You're here," he said slowly, "because I need to get the darkness out of me by using it. And you're the perfect victim," he said with a short laugh, adding, "and I don't want to die, now do I? Either way, something's bound to occur." 

That answered nothing, still. 

"So how come you treat me so nicely before? Why did you inject me with drugs?" 

He flushed nervously, his perfect spikes looking as they could poke anyone who touched them. "Tsk, tsk. I injected you so you wouldn't feel anything as you slept. Easy as pie." 

"But why did you bathe me and clothe me?" 

A silence held his breath. Finally, "What I had already explained does not need to be told once more." I didn't believe him, but, I sensed that feeling again in the air. It was his hazy violet eyes that told he, somehow, didn't do that just to make my cuts any more painful than they were. 

"Now, you're chained up on this bed, damaged.... " Ken gave that hungry look. He seemed to want to feed on me. "In pain.... " _Was he aroused by evil?_ "Here, alone, beside me.... what can you do? You're so vulnerable.... " I stared at him, straightened up as much as I could, when I realized something even more important. 

"Ken.... I love you," I said, squealing, "I've loved you all this time. I loved you when you were the enemy. You always made me feel so special, even when you said I was weak. And I'm the one who kept you warm," I gulped, "when I found out about your email. If I'd let you get any colder, you'd have died," I closed my eyes. 

His black-gloved hand pressed lightly against my cheek. 

"M-miyako.... " 

The Kaizer looked ashamed of himself. "Why did I do that to you?" 

The expression on my face didn't change. "Did what?" 

He swallowed hard and moved back a bit. "I was too.... perverted," he said quietly. "I didn't think you'd notice if I did anything that I didn't have to." I bit my lip. It was the most understood thing from these past few days. "You.... you what?" Ken, who was shaking, nodded. My expression did not change. I wasn't surprised. "I'm not usually someone sexual.... " He turned away. "But you've never given me that feeling. It's just the only love evil can blossom inside here." he said slowly, pointing at his neck. Ken wanted to leave; I could tell by his voice. 

_Something wasn't right._

And it wasn't just that he raped me.... why, at this one bitter moment, did he act kindly again? Was the spore wearing off? Did I release it? I'll find out, soon.... _I hope._

..::TO BE CONTINUED::.. 


End file.
